Today, my best friend of nearly ten years, told me how proud she was of me for walking to town with Blake. Just me and the bubs! .... and I was so happy I almost wanted to cry, I’ve done it a few times before, but just lately I’ve had that motivation to get up and out there for once! It showed me just how far I’ve come.
Now this may sound so silly to some of you, I mean I practically live on towns doorstep....what’s the fuss about?
Well being totally and utterly honest, when I first had Blake, I was over the moon, but something wasn’t quite right. I just thought it was a case of “baby blues” and being overwhelmed with an awful labour, a new baby, and lots and lots of advise from the many visitors that came to see us in the first few weeks (which was all so appreciated of course but very very tiring) I never stopped. I never had two seconds to sit down and think about myself.
I suffered with postnatal depression badly, alongside this I also found I had anxiety, and never really wanted to accept this at first. And it took me a long time to open up and admit it. It wasn’t until my friends and family helped me get the support I needed.
It’s something that is not spoken about often enough and is far too overlooked when it comes to prenatal sessions!
It’s tough being a new mum, and when you become a mum you are aware of the physical affects that could potentially happen, but you don’t realise the effect it could have on your mental health.
- Sleep deprivation
- Constantly on the go
- Unwanted but appreciated advice you receive twenty four seven.
- Constant social media portrayal of a ‘perfect mum’
- Changes to your body, a new outlook on your self worth.
I became very closed in. I felt like although I had many people around me to support me, No one quite got this situation I was in. I was alone.
Who wants to hear me moaning all the time anyway?, I couldn’t hack the whole going out because let’s face it no one likes a screaming baby whilst you are trying to shop. I was too scared of the judgement I faced on a daily basis being a young mum too.
I cried a lot. Sometimes because I’d been up for the fifth time that night. Sometimes because I realised I couldn’t fit the jeans I used to wear. Sometimes I’d cry because I forgot how many scoops of formula I had just added to a bottle of water ... AGAIN. and sometimes, well, I’d cry because I didn’t think I was quite cut out for this mum business.
You know how it is when you have had a tough day, on zero hours sleep and they just don’t want to settle, that’s when I’d cry, and just think, you deserve so much better. Or when you have been trying to settle them for so long, and you have tried everything in the book, and someone comes along, takes the baby, and they settle in an instant! Like wtf! Was I not good enough?
But it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, you just had a freaking baby, like come on! Giving birth is not easy!, and your body is not quite the same as it used to be! As much as you want to bottle it up! You can’t hide these feelings, and you need to let it out!
You have a screaming baby on your hands and don’t fancy going out... thats okay! Take a deep breath, stay home and do what you gotta do. You cried today at burnt toast... you didn’t get much sleep last night, and bubs was crying for two hours solid!! That is totally understandable.
But when it all gets too much... too often... and you find it’s becoming everyday, that you just can’t hack... and the tears keep coming outta no where.... please please please!, speak to someone!
The best help for me was not only being totally honest with my family and my friend, but just being honest with myself and accepting who I am now and what I am going through. And knowing that through it all, I am not on my own!
We are good enough. We are strong. We are amazing and nothing beats seeing a smile on your babies face.
Being able to walk to town with your little one maybe easy for loads of you, but for someone like me, Baby steps, to be where i want to be is the best way forward. Even if that means a pat on the back for walking to town!
For me, my depression and anxiety, will always be there, and even now I still have bad days, but knowing I have the right people there for me every step of the way. Knowing I’m not alone, being honest with myself and accepting that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. I got this! And so have you! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼
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